Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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