I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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