So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You made out with two different species that night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
