three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
