So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
