it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my poor anus
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
