I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
