Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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