THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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