in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
