did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
