So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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