i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
