I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
