Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
