Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
