dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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