we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
