Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
