Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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