so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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