she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
