Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
