Need sex. Gaining weight.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
