It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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