he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
