my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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