Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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