Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
