I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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