You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
