They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
