My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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