he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh god it's open bar.
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