Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
