Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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