I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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