I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
