if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
