He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
