Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
