can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
