The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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