is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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