I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
