its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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