This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
