i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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