I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
