You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
