what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
