so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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