why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
