he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
