the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
